Friday, November 12, 2010

Home Based Business!!!

So since I had Broderyck and have been doing this whole single mom thing, I haven't exactly had time to "go back" to work. I figured this would be the PERFECT time to go for my dream job, designing and making clothing at home. :) It gives me time with my son, and I can do it whenever I have the time. I started an Etsy store

This is the first step to what I hope will be a happy and successful home based business. Please check it out, and keep your eyes open new things will be added all the time. I also may take your custom order depending on what it is, so feel free to contact me if you have a request!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Learning about PICC's....

The idea of a PICC line really scared me when they decided to put one in Broderyck's right arm for long term IV's. It also really scared me when they told me that I would be the one administering the antibiotics after we go home. But after the nurses have given me paperwork and let me practice  under their supervision. We will also be assigned a home health program to come and do dressing changes and provide the antibiotics, saline flushes and heparin flushes. It will stay in for at least 6 weeks.

Getting ready to put in the PICC

After the PICC was put in, under an awesome dinosaur wrap
A PICC line is, by definition and per its acronym, a peripherally inserted central catheter. It is long, slender, small, flexible tube that is inserted into a peripheral vein, typically in the upper arm, and advanced until the catheter tip terminates in a large vein in the chest near the heart to obtain intravenous access. It is similar to other central lines as it terminates into a large vessel near the heart. However, unlike other central lines, its point of entry is from the periphery of the body � the extremities. And typically the upper arm is the area of choice.
A PICC line provides the best of both worlds concerning venous access. Similar to a standard IV, it is inserted in the arm, and usually in the upper arm under the benefits of ultrasound visualization. Also, PICCs differ from peripheral IV access but similar to central lines in that a PICCs termination point is centrally located in the body allowing for treatment that could not be obtained from standard periphery IV access. In addition, PICC insertions are less invasive, have decreased complication risk associated with them, and remain for a much longer duration than other central or periphery access devices.
Using ultrasound technology to visualize a deep, large vessel in the upper arm, the PICC catheter is inserted by a specially trained and certified PICC nurse specialist. Post insertion at the bedside, a chest x-ray is obtained to confirm ideal placement. The entire procedure is done in the patient�s room decreasing discomfort, transportation, and loss of nursing care.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Prepare for the eventual let down....

On Monday the 27th I couldn't have been happier they ran antibiotics, did blood tests and told us that everything was trending in the right direction. His wound started to look a lot better and I thought we were in the clear. We went to clinic on Wednesday and that blood test showed that things were still going in the direction that we wanted them too and the wound team looked under his bandage and said that it looked really good. They said that I wouldn't need to change the bandage until we came in the following Wednesday but gave me an extra bandage, just in case. The cardiologist told us we could just do oxygen at night and that he could stop taking lasix. 

This is the point where I get my hopes up and start to think that everything is going the way it's supposed to.

Then of course on Thursday Broderyck started acting really uncomfortable again, crying and not wanting to be put down. I figured he just was still sore from surgery and didn't mind holding him almost constantly. Saturday his bandage was about 3/4 saturated and I decided to change it, then that night he started breathing heavier and running a fever. Sunday morning his second bandage was completely saturated to the point that it was falling off.
I called the hospital and they said that since it was Sunday that we'd need to come tot he Emergency Room but the Cardiothoracic Nurse Practitioner would meet us there. We switched the bandage once more and I packed a bag and we headed on our way. When we got to the hospital the Nurse Practitioner looked at his wound and knew it was bad, and the admission process started again...

for the 3rd time

They starting running antibiotics again and determined they were going to do exploritory surgery to see how deep the infection is. They switched the time a couple times today and had to run some IV fluids and do a blood transfusion before they could take him back to the OR.

They took him back around 6:30pm and it's now 10:15. They had a hard time finding veins for an IV because he's been so picked on by the lab that he's running out of good veins. Last I heard was that it was a really deep infection and that they had to take the wires out of this chest to be able to clean out his chest better. 
After this surgery he will go back to the CICU and be back on a ventilator. I really hoped that it was going to be a simple fix and I am praying that when they fix this that Broderyck will be able to go home and be a normal baby...

he is supposed to be learning to smile and roll over...not spending 1/3 of his life in the hospital.

The Nurse Practitioner just came and gave us an update. She said that it just didn't look as healthy as it should. They cleaned his chest out with antibacterial fluid and will put a wound vac on for a couple days and put a chest tube back in.

Please let this be it...
The OR nurse is supposed to call if the surgeon can't call us before 11:30.

Monday, September 27, 2010

I love waking up to good news!

Well I've been pretty upset being back in the hospital. I wish that Broderyck could be home, being a normal baby, not having to be poked and prodded all day long. With blood tests at 4 am, x-rays at 5 am and then the doctors coming to do their rounds and looking at him at 7 am. I have been really worried when they tell us that we can go home one day and then add more days. But I have been trying to not get my hopes up, so when the Doctors came in this morning and their talk sounded like we were getting to go home today I got pretty excited. It won't be until later in the day, but still. Especially since everything bad is trending down, he's eating well, his weight is going up, his wound looks a lot better.

 He's going to do his last iv antibiotic today and then they're going to be discontinued. He won't be sent home on antibiotics because there isn't an oral option, and they don't want to do a PIC line. So we'll go home for a couple days and keep changing his dressing and then come back for a check-up and make sure that everything is still trending down. 

Then he gets to switch off the awful low fat formula on October 4th and go back to his regular soy formula he was on pre-surgery. Then of course we'll have to come back again for a check up to make sure he's gaining weight the way he's supposed to and that he isn't showing any signs of Cylothorax. 
I'm really thankful for everyone who has shown their support during this whole ordeal, everyone who has prayed for us, all of the doctors and nurses at Primary Children's Hospital who have taken such good care of Broderyck and who have helped me feel as comfortable as one can while living at a hospital going through these things. But I really hope we won't be back staying for a long time, if ever.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Not exactly the news we wanted to hear...

     Broderyck was released from the hospital after 9 days in the hospital. We made it home and everything seemed to be going the way it was supposed to, he obviously was uncomfortable, but who wouldn't be after all that poking, prodding and other intense things that a month old baby shouldn't have to go through.

     So as I'm thinking that everything is going the way it was supposed to on Thursday September 23 the top of his chest incision had some pus that was coming out of it. I of course was slightly freaking out because we had only been home for 3 days since our stay in the hospital. But I called the Nurse Practitioner phone number they gave me and left a message with the receptionist. Then the wait for a call-back seemed to be hours when it really was only probably 25 minutes.

     When she called me back I described to her what was going on and she told me to bring Broderyck in. So I called my mom since she had to drive us and she told me to pack an overnight bag because they were probably going to make us stay. So I packed a bag and got Broderyck all ready. When my mom got to our house from her work we got in the car and headed on our way.

     The Nurse Practitioner met us in the hallway and took us straight into an exam room. This is very lucky because they usually make you go to the Emergency Room before you get admitted to the hospital. The surgeon who did Broderyck's original surgery came in and looked at the infection. He had to cut part of it and clean the sight with Iodine and pack and bandage it. They then got us a room back on the third floor which is the Children's Surgical Unit, which is where we were discharged from. 

     They told us that they were going to let us go on Saturday. Well Saturday has come and gone and they told us there was no way we were going home this weekend, and a nurse mentioned that the soonest we were going to go home is Tuesday. Reason being that they have taken blood and urine cultures and it takes at least 72 hours to see if anything grows out of them...well in order to go home we have to have 3 clean days. 

     They at least know it's something bacterial, and have changed the way that they're doing the dressings which will hopefully help the site heal a little better. They also will be deciding what antibiotic will work best to get rid of whatever bacteria he has.

     I feel a little better when my mom comes to visit. Gives me a little break from the chaos because she really wants to see the baby. It's not that I need a break from him at all, it's just the situation. Being at someone else's will, someone else's schedule. It is still so hard for me to handle it when they come in and change him or feed him without waking me up. I know I am not doing anything wrong, and I really should accept the help while I've got it because I can't go home and be completely exhausted. It is so hard too to know he's uncomfortable, and having to ask for permission to take him for a walk outside the room.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Want to and have to are two different things...

I haven't updated my blog since July 8, lame I know. I just haven't had the time to even think about the computer. But now I have found a little bit of free time since I'm staying with my son while he is in the hospital and they have wi-fi internet here.

Well first off my son, Broderyck Rian Peterson was born at Ogden Regional Medical Center on August 16, 2010 at 5:02 pm. I was induced at 39 weeks, Dr's orders, and labor went pretty quick, epidurals are amazing, let me just tell you. If you have the choice, I say do it. It was a normal delivery and I got to take him home in the standard 2 days. He was 19.5 inches long and weighed 6 pounds 14 ounces. 

Everything was going perfect, except the fact that I switched him to soy formula thinking that his belly aches were due to a potential Lactose Intolerance, his first Dr's appointment went swimmingly, and his second appointment was scheduled for Friday September 10th. The day started great, I got a call saying that Broderyck had been approved for Medicade, then we got up got ready and drove to Ogden to his appointment. 

The nurse mentioned that he was breathing a little fast and when the Dr listened to his heart he said he could hear a little murmur, he wrote an order for me to take Broderyck to the lab to have some blood drawn, and to get him an echocardiogram at McKay Dee. Then they took his O2 Saturation and it was in the 60's, this is when the Dr called McKay Dee and told them to expect me.

This is when I really started panicking. I called my mom and told her what was going on, trying to hold back the tears. We got to McKay and the team in the NICU got him on oxygen and started doing x-rays and the echo. My mom and dad showed up at the hospital and I was trying to not cry while on the phone with the admitting department. The results of the tests  were not what I wanted to hear. His lungs were pretty full of fluid and they called Life Flight. Waiting for Life Flight to prep him seemed like forever. They let me say goodbye to him before they took him, that was the single most scary moment of my life.

My mom and I got in the car and sped towards Primary Childrens Medical Center. When we got to the hospital we met a Dr outside the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit and walked us inside. There were about 20 people inside his room and we weren't allowed to go in to see him until they got him stable. A cardiologist came out and explained what was wrong with his heart, which was almost exactly what was wrong with my heart when I was his age. The surgeon then came out and said that they were trying to decide if they were going to do the surgery that night or in the morning, a few minutes later they decided that they needed to do the surgery as soon as possible and  he came and explained to us how he was going to repair it. I had to sign 2 papers for consent to put him under anesthesia and consent to do the surgery. Then we followed them to the doors of the Operating Room.
The surgery was estimated to be a 5 to 6 hour surgery and my dad brought my younger sisters, except for my youngest to meet us in the Surgical Waiting Room. He even brought us dinner but I didn't even feel like eating. It felt like forever, it helped that they called every hour to let us know the status of the surgery. At 2 am the surgeon came in and said that everything went great he told us that we could go see him in about 30 to 45 minutes after they got him back to his room and stable.We knew my dad and sisters weren't going to want to see Broderyck like that so we sent them home before we went to his room.
Seeing my son covered in bandages, tubes, wires and hearing the machines beeping was so scary. I felt so bad that he was on so many drugs, but I am so glad he didn't seem to be in pain. His chest was still open, word was that it was going to stay open until Monday or Tuesday. They do this because sometimes organs can swell and the skin can as well and they don't want a closed chest to put pressure on those organs or have the skin try and pull back apart. 

At about 3 am my mom finally talked me into going to try and sleep, when you're child in in the Intensive Care Unit they have little rooms where they let parents sleep. They base your need by how far away you live and how sick your child is. It consists of a twin bed, a rocking chair about about 2 feet of space around the two. Saturday I spent basically the whole day in his room. I started a journal for him, so when he grows up he can read exactly what happened.

Sunday my mom and I were awoken by the surgeon knocking on the Parent sleeping room door. He said that he was going to close his chest and had me sign the consent to let him do so. I was very excited that he was getting closed up earlier than expected. 

Monday they began to wean Broderyck off the Nitric Oxcide (which helps lungs assimalate oxygen) They must wean off alot of the drugs before they can take the ventilator out, which was the next goal.  

On Tuesday 2 of the 3 chest drainage tubes came out. It was so wonderful to walk in his room and see less machines and less tubes then there previously were.

Wednesday the 15th was my mom's 40th birthday, it also was the day that they ran 2 spontaneous trials where they turned off the ventilatior but left it in place to see how Broderyck would breath on his own. When the Doctor decided that everything looked great with the echo they had done that morning and that the spontaneous trials seemed to be successful the Respitory Therapist took out the ventalator. This was the first time Broderyck had been able to cry in five days and his voice kind of sounded like Donald Duck. But it was really good to hear his voice, regardless.

Thursday the 16th is when the last chest tube and RA's got to be taken out. Those were the last things that needed to be taken out before I could hold Broderyck, for the first time in a week. That was one of the hardest things about the whole situation, was to be a new mom who had spent 24/7 with her baby and then suddenly not be able to hold her baby. They also tried a bottle also, Broderyck wasn't really use to a bottle and some of his food still had to be fed to him through a tube but after some trial and error with a couple different kinds of nipples we found one that he semi-liked.
 They also discontinued most of the IV's also. The emptier the room got the happier and more relaxed that I got.

On Friday Broderyck finally got his Arterial Line taken out of his right wrist and got to leave the ICU and go up to the Children's Surgical Floor. This is a more hands on floor so that my mom and I could stay in the room and pick Broderyck up whenever we wanted. He still had a feeding tube though just because he was still strugging with eating the amount they wanted him to all by mouth.

On the 18th they took out the NJ tube after we were in the CSU room so Broderyck had to try and take as much by mouth as possible. Then on Sunday the 19th we got discharged. Getting discharged on a weekend was pretty stressful. The regular crew isn't really around so some stuff took longer than it would have during the week. But it  was so exciting to finally get to go home. To stop worrying, so much and to stop living out of a suitcase in a hospital. Especially after only nine days when the doctors first estimated 14. 

Broderyck will have a lifetime of clinics just like I did but he'll be lucky that I've already been through it so he will hopefully feel a little more comfortable about doing the tests.

 Being a single mom, especially having to go through emergency situations makes you very strong. I really never thought that I would be able to handle any of this alone. A lot of people questioned me before Broderyck was here and asked if I was scared to do it alone and I always answered "no," deep down I knew I was nervous but I knew I could do it, and this whole 39 days I have proved to myself that I am more than capable of being a single mom. Especially when the father hasn't even ackowledged the fact that he has a new son. Broderyck is the cutest little boy ever and I love him more than life itself and I know that I for sure never want to waste my time with someone who is anything less than perfect, and if it takes that person a while to get here, I am perfectly fine with that. I have my little family and I am more than happy with it.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I really need to get in the habit of blogging. It might make me feel better about stuff.

     I've been feeling really down lately. It's almost like all my friends have fallen off the face of the planet. In the last couple weeks my 21st birthday has passed and the 4th of July and you know what I've been doing? Sitting home. Alone. I understand people get busy and such but it's so hard for me to just sit around and read everyones facebook updates about how much fun they had boating, or shopping or just hanging out. I feel like everyone thinks I'm like handicapped because I'm almost 8 months pregnant. Which isn't true. I can do just as much as everyone else. Well for the most part. Like I know it would have been silly to go to a bar on my birthday and get a non alchoholic drink, but the idea is kinda fun. And even a suggestion from any of my friends would have been nice.
     And then of course the aspect of dating rears it's ugly head again. I don't know why I even care anymore. Every guy I like turns out the complete freaking same as the last. They "like me", we talk, they sweet talk me, I start to really like them, they suddenly stop talking to me, then I usually find out they have a girlfriend suddenly or something.
Everyone keeps saying:
"you're going to have your baby soon and none of this will matter. Friends come and go and you don't need a man."
I know I don't NEED a man, and I understand that some friends will fade away due to the circumstances that I'm not free to just do whatever anymore. But it still gets lonely. Really lonely.
     And I've decided one of my LEAST favorite things ever is when people ask about my pregnancy then proceed to ask if "the dad is in the picture" Blah! No. He isn't, and won't ever be. He's way too immature to handle anything of this nature. As sad as that is because he already has another son who's 3. And no I don't plan on taking him to court for child support because if he wants nothing to do with my son, then I want my son to have nothing to do with him. That's alot of money to waste on trying to force someone to care. Plus he doesn't hold a job long enough for me to even get anything from him anyways. It'd just be easier to just roll over and take it the way it's dealt. I have a very supportive family and I'm getting everything I need from them in the form of presents, or hand-me-downs. I know how to work hard, and I've been out on my own before, paying my own bills and taking care of things that need to be taken care of. I can be a single mom. People have been doing it forever and no one has died from it yet. It isn't the end of the world.
     Which makes me nervous for my baby shower on Saturday. I sent out 20 invitations, made an event page on Facebook and sent messages to numerous people on Facebook. So far I have about 4 RSVP's. I really hope people show up and are supportive.
     I guess all I can do is wait a couple more weeks for Broderyck to get here. I am so excited to be a mom. He is going to be the cutest little boy ever.
   And I thank everyone who has been there for me and been supportive and to everyone who hasn't been there for me when I've needed someone, I hope life treats you well where ever it may take you.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Normality....going once? Going twice? Sold to...Reality.

I'm about sick of anything with a dick. Yep, it's true. Guys have worn me out. I'm sick of all these fake ass guys who think they can just say "hey baby, you're really cute" and get in my pants. Or kiss me and then never talk to me again. Sorry boys, I don't roll that way. I don't play the "if I just stop talking to her and start talking to some other girl things will be okay" game. I play the "honesty is better game" Hell, my facebook profile says "Random, fiesty, creative, blunt, honest, loving, loud, tattooed, veg (6 years), soon to be mom (Aug 31) who hates dishonest, half-truths, backstabbing, & not keeping your word." right in that little about me box that EVERYONE can read, and I don't just write stuff to fill up that little box.

I try and give people chances. But why is it that I'm a stepping stone? Cool, you knew I was prego from the get you ask me something and I'll tell you the honest truth. But fact is I have feelings and you eff with them and you'll get some retaliation. If I fall for a guy I tend to fall hard and it isn't a very common thing. So when you make me believe that you care and feel even SEMI the same way, I will probably believe you...and probably end up hurt...

So lets make a couple things clear....
I'm not easy,
I'm not fake,
I don't put up with losers,
I will not be your sugar mama,
I will not just stick around until something better comes along,
don't sweet talk me unless you mean it,
I love pet names...but not if every girl in your life gets called the same ones-just don't bother if it's "typical",
I do research-when we have common aquantinces I ask about you...I hope that what your friends say and how you treat me match,
If you get to meet my family you're one lucky sob...that's a HUGE deal to me,
It goes both ways-don't introduce me to your family and good friends if it's a one time thing,
If you're a player-just leave me alone,
Don't act like you have no self confidence just to get compliments from me.
I don't mind just hanging out, being friends-I'm not saying once we hangout we have to be an item...but don't treat it like we're one if there isn't any potential.

Just be real with me. High school is over. This isn't reality tv. Things can be really be how they look, seem, and feel. That's what I want in my life.

Monday, May 17, 2010

What's been plaguing me....

I never really know how to react to change, I feel like it's a constant battle. I mean, I lead a pretty spontanious life, but sometimes it feels like it's just out of control. There are, and always will be ups and downs, I get that. I just need to hang on for dear life, and ride it out to the best of my ability, be it terrifying or a thrill.
  • My new job is actually more tollerable than I thought it would be. The days seem to fly by and I believe it's worth the money. I have ran into a few rude people but I just think to myself that they aren't really mad at me, they are mad at the government for making them fill out a form [maybe even 2], deal with people coming door to door, and then deal with someone who is reading the most repetive script ever on the phone. I think I would be a tad annoyed as well to be honest. But I am very thankful to have a job, regardless.
  • I try so hard not to get in over my head when I like guys. Especially now, that I'm pregnant and things will only be more difficult. I try so hard to trick myself into thinking that I don't really like someone as much as I do, or that I'm just giving myself false hope. But what happens when you stop believing yourself? What happens when your heart thinks it knows everything? Everytime that person messages you, you get butterflies and smile on cue, everytime you see that person you feel instantly lighter and happier, everytime you kiss that person you feel like you're in heaven...but you don't get alot of time with that person, you both have your own obligations that sometimes out-weigh one another, or one in particular....what happens then?
  • Living at home again has been a MAJOR challenge for me. Going from just me and Grenade to a house full of hormonal girls again has been...intense. I don't really want to live back here, I really want to be out on my own again, paying my own bills, cooking my own food, shopping vegan, having my own private space, decorating the way I want to. I hate having all of my belongings shoved into boxes and thrown randomly in the garage. I'm starting to feel like a burden around here, like things were easier for everyone else when I wasn't living here. My sister who's 17 seems to feel like I'm stepping into her territory by coming back, since while I was gone she was technically "the oldest" I really don't want anything to do with domination, or being the one in charge. I could care less. I try so hard to be a good big sister, give advice when asked, listen, share treats when I have them, try and not hog the tv remote. It just feels like everything I do in that area year and I'm going to have a down payment on a house....just gotta keep telling myself that.
  • I think that I'm going to start claiming Straight Edge. Alot of girls don't, and I've heard mixed reviews on why they don't. But it's truly not about fighting or "gang" activity I see it as a way of life. I'm avidly against drug-use and I've had my run in a time or two with alcohol and hate it. So why should I be any less "able" to claim a title just because I'm a girl and because I'm not super "tough."
  • I've decided to re-gauge my ears, I'm going to go to a 3/4. And after I have Broderyck I'm going to get my entire left side, and my entire right leg tattooed. I'm done giving a crap about "what about when you're old?" or "you're going to be a mom, what is that going to do to your son" and just what other people think in general 1. tattoos are an expression of ones self. I'm not getting anything because someone else said it would be cool, I'm getting them because it's things that I've always wanted and I'm young and can pull them off and just LOVE tattoos And 2. My son will be raised however I want to raise him, and him having a tattooed vegan mom isn't going to make him any less a great person. He will understand that he has to wait until he's 18 to get a tattoo just like me, but I will gladly support him in his choices and go with him even.
You can't live your life by anyone else's rules. You have to make your own choices, whether that is down a path where someone else traveled or start your own. Just because you make a choice that someone else suggested or you see someone else living a certain way and you'd like to try it and see if it works for you, that doesn't make you any less unique. No matter HOW individual the choice someone, somewhere has made that choice. I find alot of strength in being myself, standing up for what I believe in and living my life to the fullest....and I am so thankful for the company that I keep who support my choices and will always be there no matter how I choose to live my life. I love you all.

Monday, May 10, 2010

"As Lovers Go" by: Dashboard Confessionals

She said "I've gotta be honest,
You're wasting your time if you're fishing round here."
And I said "you must be mistaken,
I'm not fooling... this feeling is real"
She said "you gotta be crazy,
What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?
"You've got wits, you've got looks,
You've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."

All wrong.
All wrong.
But you got me...

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.

This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

And I said "I've gotta be honest
I've been waiting for you all my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane,
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.
You've got wits... you've got looks,
You've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?

But you've got me...

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

I listen to this song over and over and is such a discription of how I feel currently. It makes me wish that love was an easy thing, that having a crush on someone was an easy thing. I hope one day I just have an epiphany and know exactly who I'm meant to be with. Know exactly how I am supposed to live my life. I know when it is supposed to happen it will. But until then, I guess I will just try and get a grip, hold my chin up, and keep living life to the fullest. He will come around some day...he will make my life complete.....someday.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Within The Next Year I Will....

A list of goals that I will complete within the next year:
  • Use my Flex CD at Goldenwest Credit Union for house savings.
  • Put 10% of every check into a Money Market account for Emergency Savings.
  • Buy a newer car
    • less than 10,000 miles on it.
    • This will help to build credit.
  • Pay off my Visa Credit card and my Line of Credit.
    • Line of Credit for have to situations only
    • Visa only when I have the money to just go home and pay it off.
  • Save up $10,000 for a downpayment on a house, and for the fixup costs of the house. (i.e. new carpet, paint, new appliances, ect.)
  • Purchase a small starter house for Broderyck, Grenade and I.
    • 3 bedrooms
      • Master Bedroom
      • Broderyck's Room
      • Guest Room/Office Space
    • Small backyard
      • Not too much yardwork involved
      • A Sandbox
      • A Swingset
      • Room for Grenade to run around
      • A doggy door
      • A small patio
    • A garage
      • Car
      • Bicycles
    • 2 bathrooms
    • A big enough living room, or dining room/living room area for small family parties.
    • Fireplace
Things I do NOT want....
(which all are lifetime goals)
  • I do not want to have to call my parents for money.
  • I do not want to have to borrow money from anyone for that matter.
  • I do not want to ever have to rely on a man.
  • I do not want to be in the hole financially.
  • I do not want Broderyck to every go without.
  • I do not want someone I'm dating to distract me from my goals, but rather stand behind me and support my choices.

Friday, April 30, 2010

The closest to prison I will ever get....

Would be the first impression of my new job. That place is...strict.
  • No cellphones AT ALL, like not even off in your purse, this includes the breakroom, smoke shack (not that it applies to me) or on the work floor. They have to be out in your car.
  • There are no clocks anywhere on the walls...just a room full of cubicles.
  • If you clock in even 1 minute late, they count it against you. 3 gets you a write up. You have the chance to be late 4 times in one single day.
  • No books, crosswords, anything extra at your desk.
  • You have to maintain a 95% performance rate.

One bonus is the dresscode is basically anything except tank tops, short shorts, flipflops and sweat pants as long as your clothes are clean and in good repair you're good to go.
Another bonus is the pay, I must say that is the BIGGEST reason I chose to apply for this job.
Plus it's only temporary...when the baby comes I will be done there.
I just gotta keep an open mind...I'm sure they just made it sound so awful today to kinda weed out the people who are there to just screw around and not take their job seriously.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Playing Catch Up on the Last Few Days....

I haven't updated my blog in a few days and I guess it's time....
          And of course it always seems that if one thing is going wrong it can't always be the only thing and other stuff has to fall apart along with it. Which is when I come to the part of my baby daddy calling last night and talking to me for 50 minutes about nothing. He called to "see how everything is going" which is something he hasn't done this entire time...which was the number one thing I thought was odd, then tried to tell me how much he cares about me and how he never meant to hurt me and how he's going to "try really really hard
     Then come to find out that a couple days ago he got in a fight with the girl he decided to date instead of make this family work and said something to the effect of "fine don't be with me then" Now it makes more sense, like he was hoping I'd just jump back on the bandwagon and give him another shot. I'm just done with him. I told him that too, I told him I'm not going to hold my breath and wait for him to grow up. If he can prove himself he can try and make a relationship with Broderyck but I honestly know that in due time when he's old enough he will realize just like the rest of us that his dad is just a let down...that he doesn't follow through and stretches the truth to such an extreme that even he doesn't know what's true and what he's made up. 
     Speaking of let downs by dads on Sunday my dad took me to the zoo like I asked him to, but instead of it being a "father daughter" day with me and my sisters he randomly invited my aunt and her kids, it's not a bad thing he just didn't ask, and then proceeded to make things "fair" by buying everyone else breakfast at McDonald's and all I got was A hash-brown...then lunch came and everyone had pre-made sub sandwiches and I had to make my own. I just always feel like because I'm vegetarian I get singled out and everyone sees it as more of a burden than anything and it's really frustrating, I've been a vegetarian for almost 6'd think my family would be used to it by now.

      It's been quite the frustrating few days it's true. Saturday was Brett and Chelsea's official house warming party. I was VIP which meant that I agreed to come early and stay there late in order to keep Chelsea sane in case any shit went down.
      Well some shit definitely went down and there wasn't anything I could do about it. We probably shouldn't have been talking shit it's true, but the girls we had a problem with shouldn't have been there anyways. 
     They knew Chelsea didn't like them and still they insisted on coming and being loud and drinking too much. The night ended up with the one girl trying to beat the crap out of Chelsea's 14 year old cousin and the other girl showing way too much of her bare skin that we didn't want to see. The crap talk continued and the girl who fought Kait decided to say that she wouldn't have had a problem fighting anyone there, even me, even with me being pregnant. That is ridiculous. We're not in high school anymore. I am SO sick of drama. SO sick of it. Like I have enough of it without stupid girls trying to act hard.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

So glad things are panning out to my advantage

I have been down about a lot of things lately and it hasn't really been fair to me or many people around me. I was looking around and everywhere I just saw all my friends and people that I went to school with living with their long term boyfriends, getting engaged, getting married and starting their families. It was very hard for me to sit and watch while being single, lonely and pregnant. 

And in good news I went and got a fetal echo done on Broderyck yesterday and the cardiologist at Primary Childrens said that he has beautiful veins, lol. And that even if he was my family member he would tell me that I have nothing to worry about. At least not as far as major things go. So Broderyck is very lucky and won't have to have surgery like I did when I was a baby, this is such a relief since that was my biggest fear these 22 weeks, and even before I got pregnant I was always afraid that I would pass on my heart condition. Praise Jesus I didn't. I can't wait until my beautiful healthy baby boy gets here,


Sunday, April 18, 2010

How do you know?

  • How do you know when you truly are in love?
  • How do you know what is best for someone else?
  • How do you know that what helped you in a situation will help someone else?
  • How do you know who your true friends are?
  • How do you know that someone you care deeply about won't leave suddenly?
  • How do you know what is the perfect career path for you?
  • How do you know that your family will always be there for you?
  • How do you know when to let go?
  • How do you know when you're guarding your heart to strongly?
  • How do you know how you want to raise your kids?
  • How do you know heaven is real?
  • How do you know that who you "think" is your type, is really who you are meant to be with?
  • How do you know that other people aren't going through the same thing you are?
  • How do you know that your parents "don't understand"?
  • How do you know you're living your life the best way you can?
  • How do you know when it's too much to handle?
  • How do you know.....anything?

Faith....and a strong heart....believe in your gut feelings, everything happens for a reason.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Chelsea and Brett's Housewarming Party!!

I am so excited for my best friend Chelsea and her long time bf Brett to get married. He proposed on Easter, right after they closed on their new townhouse. They are the funniest couple ever, and they are such a blast to hangout with.
We don't even have to do anything, we can seriously just sit around their house and have fun. Or for Chelsea's birthday we watched Vampire Diaries and then went to The Last Song. Somehow we make a grand ol time out of everything.
They are getting married next May, and I'm super stoked to find out all their details. Hopefully Brett get's some cute friends soon and they can hook me up! haha. That would make the whole situation that much better. haha.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Drumroll Please.....

Well I went to the perinatologist yesterday to make sure that everything looks alright as far as spine, leg length, head size, brain hemispheres, heart chambers...and well everything looked great. Then my next appointment is on the 20th of this month with Primary Children's Hospital to do a fetal echo to make sure that the baby doesn't have the same heart condition that I was born with. My cardiologist said that there is a less than 50% chance that is possible, but I still have my fingers crossed!

The other fabulous news that I found out yesterday is that  
I'm having a boy!!
I have no brothers, and my mom has no brothers, so it will be a whole new world we're dealing with...but I am actually  excited. I mean it's a new thing, which just makes it that much more special. 
it's supposed to be a "boy year" anyways, like everyone I know are having boy babies. I think I've heard of one person having a girl baby. lol. She's going to be terribly out-numbered.

The only thing is that I wish his dad would step up and be a man. I was honestly going to give him a second chance after he sat across from me and begged me to give him a second chance, he told he loved me more than anything, that he would change and that what happened in our original breakup would never happen again. Being a family was all that he wanted and he called off his relationship with whatever other girls he was hanging out with to make sure that was possible. I honestly was starting to believe him, I really thought he was being sincere. But once again I was fooled. Once again he said "all the right things" even if he didn't mean them.

Yesterday when I came to talk to him about the doctor appointment, and show him all the super cute baby stuff I bought during my excitement of finally knowing the sex, he proceeded to tell me that he doesn't think dating me will work, that being friends is all that will happen out of this and that he doesn't want what happened last time to happen again, and then also had to throw in that if he starts dating the girl he was before that I'm not allowed to be upset. Who honestly tells their pregnant ex that? "Oh I'm excited you're pregnant with a boy...but I want to date this other girl" I just feel like such fool for even considering giving him a second chance. I'm just done with him I think. If he wants to be "friends" whatever...he will get the same treatment as my other guy friends who want to be a part of this babies life. He hasn't proved to be any use to me other than being a sperm donor, and I personally don't think that he should get special treatment for something as easy as that....

Monday, April 5, 2010

Emotional Rollercoaster is me.

       I've been up and down for days, dang hormones. But today has been a really good day. Between finding out what my work schedule is for my new job, getting the frappuchino I was craving and it being Happy Hour when I stopped at Sonic, I feel pretty freaking good today.
      The only thing slightly bothering me is my littlest sister blaming the bad stuff she does on a "voice" in her head. I honestly don't know whether to buy what she's saying or brush it off as some excuse to get away with stuff. My mom is really freaked out and is afraid that she could have gotten bi-polar disorder from her biological mom, since it is sometimes mistaken for ADHD when kids are young and that is what she is currently treated for. 

      It is such a strange thing to deal with such an occurrence is ones life. I try to be understanding because she really has been through a lot in her life and really no one knows what she is going through but her. It all happened so long ago that she doesn't really recall what happened and that makes it hard too, like my parents want to take her to counseling but I don't know how much good it would do to talk about something you don't remember...she's almost 10, and she was abused from birth until she was 3; and then she came to live with us. She learned how to talk and quickly caught up pretty close to the level she should be on. I really hope this all blows over soon.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter 2010!!

This Easter was a little different than usual. First thing I went to Mass with Michael, Anecia and Tony and their family. It was actually a pretty interesting experience. I have never been to Catholic church today and it was so much different than any other service I've ever been to. But I enjoyed it actually. 

Then after we got done with mass we went to J&D's and had some breakfast, then I went to my grandma Peterson's house. She was serving breakfast too, so I didn't eat there but I had a little fruit and just visited with my family. 

We weren't supposed to color Easter Eggs until later in the evening but around 3 o'clock I got a text, well a few explaining that egg coloring time was moved up to...well right then. So I headed back over to Anecia and Michael's house and we opened our Easter baskets from Marie....

Then after we all opened our baskets

Kalel got all hyped up on Pixie Sticks.

We finally got down to the egg coloring. Apparently around here it's tradition to color "dirty eggs" I didn't even know what we should draw, and mine didn't really turn out dirty. Just random.

I think that Anecia won the "Dirty Egg" contest:

For some reason there was like 5 dozen eggs that we were supposed to color and after Kalel colored about 5 he was done and ready to just eat them, and Anecia and Michael decided they needed to eat some as well....

We all worked very hard on our eggs...

my pregnant egg. :)
anecia's baby chicken egg, and an overview of most of our eggs.