Thursday, July 8, 2010

I really need to get in the habit of blogging. It might make me feel better about stuff.

     I've been feeling really down lately. It's almost like all my friends have fallen off the face of the planet. In the last couple weeks my 21st birthday has passed and the 4th of July and you know what I've been doing? Sitting home. Alone. I understand people get busy and such but it's so hard for me to just sit around and read everyones facebook updates about how much fun they had boating, or shopping or just hanging out. I feel like everyone thinks I'm like handicapped because I'm almost 8 months pregnant. Which isn't true. I can do just as much as everyone else. Well for the most part. Like I know it would have been silly to go to a bar on my birthday and get a non alchoholic drink, but the idea is kinda fun. And even a suggestion from any of my friends would have been nice.
     And then of course the aspect of dating rears it's ugly head again. I don't know why I even care anymore. Every guy I like turns out the complete freaking same as the last. They "like me", we talk, they sweet talk me, I start to really like them, they suddenly stop talking to me, then I usually find out they have a girlfriend suddenly or something.
Everyone keeps saying:
"you're going to have your baby soon and none of this will matter. Friends come and go and you don't need a man."
I know I don't NEED a man, and I understand that some friends will fade away due to the circumstances that I'm not free to just do whatever anymore. But it still gets lonely. Really lonely.
     And I've decided one of my LEAST favorite things ever is when people ask about my pregnancy then proceed to ask if "the dad is in the picture" Blah! No. He isn't, and won't ever be. He's way too immature to handle anything of this nature. As sad as that is because he already has another son who's 3. And no I don't plan on taking him to court for child support because if he wants nothing to do with my son, then I want my son to have nothing to do with him. That's alot of money to waste on trying to force someone to care. Plus he doesn't hold a job long enough for me to even get anything from him anyways. It'd just be easier to just roll over and take it the way it's dealt. I have a very supportive family and I'm getting everything I need from them in the form of presents, or hand-me-downs. I know how to work hard, and I've been out on my own before, paying my own bills and taking care of things that need to be taken care of. I can be a single mom. People have been doing it forever and no one has died from it yet. It isn't the end of the world.
     Which makes me nervous for my baby shower on Saturday. I sent out 20 invitations, made an event page on Facebook and sent messages to numerous people on Facebook. So far I have about 4 RSVP's. I really hope people show up and are supportive.
     I guess all I can do is wait a couple more weeks for Broderyck to get here. I am so excited to be a mom. He is going to be the cutest little boy ever.
   And I thank everyone who has been there for me and been supportive and to everyone who hasn't been there for me when I've needed someone, I hope life treats you well where ever it may take you.