Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Epic Fail. No updates since November. Ooooooops.

Yes I am wearing a jacket that says "Jesus
Loves Me Too" with a chicken on it. :)
I'm trying to even think about what I want to write about, so much stuff has happened lately. Guess I should start with Christmas! Next Christmas will probably be better because Broderyck will understand what the hell is going on!
 Overall it was alright though, just your typical holiday with divorced parents fighting and meeting my dad's new girlfriend and her kid against my will. ALWAYS a fun time. Right?! Still haven't heard from Tony. Which is a good thing I think. I'm glad neither he or his family tried anything during the holidays. The holiday season of course ended with no New Years Kiss. Tragic. But I have recently gone back vegan and started working out on a regular basis which has made me feel loads better about myself! And may eventually be the death of me because all I do is bake. lol. So I guess they won't kill me, just make me large and in charge and I may be able to handle that. hahaha.  
I've been unemployed for about 6 months now and it's starting to get to me. I've recently applied for a few jobs, but only part time, it's just a scary thing thinking that if I work I have to leave Broderyck all day and leave him in the hands of a stranger. But it's what I have to do to be able to give him the life I want him to have. I don't want him to ever have to go without and I will not live of my mom for the rest of my life! I'm way too independent and I think that is why I need a change soon. To get out of my mom's house. I hate having rules and feeling like someone else has control of my life. When my tax return gets here I'm getting my car fixed, that's step one. Hopefully will help A LOT. Get me out of this blasted town for a few. At least go to a Starbucks or something! Get some non hick town air.
This want to spread my wings of course has sparked some fights with my mom who would like me and Broderyck to just live here forever. She thinks I want to "take him away from her" and when my mom cries it makes me want to cry. I hate being accused of doing things "just to hurt people" because I never do that. I don't believe in that. I just do things I want to do and what feels right to me.  Just because it isn't in line with what the people around me want it becomes "wrong"....i.e. tattoos, piercings, being vegan...
Which brings me to the subject of moving. Which is such a ridiculous subject at the moment. It feels like it's "yes, no, maybe, found it, lost it...." I don't do well when things aren't planned and it gives me really bad anxiety (and that plus all the other chaos may be why I've had to start taking my Prozac again...)
I keep thinking I want to move out, want to get out of my mom's house but maybe things are happening in the wrong order, again. And now my roomate wants me to lie and say that I'm making more money than I am and I don't lie. I just don't believe in it. And if it prevents us from getting the apartment I'm sure she'll be pissed but lying has never gotten anywhere anyplace good in the end. So I guess it's still considered a toss up?! But there is always the "backup plan"

By backup plan I am referring to my new found crush. There really is something about him and it's making me crazy, but in the good, cute, romantic comedy sort of way where you can't function in everyday life because all you think about it that person. I'm most certainly suffering from a case of that. Of course there is a hitch...he lives in Florida. Which if you don't know is more than 2,000 miles away from Utah. Yes, we met online, no I'm not afraid he's some kinda creep. I go with my gut feelings about stuff and they tend to tell me the truth and he gives me butterflies (which is a very good sign) I'm currently accepting any donations to put towards going to see him. hahaha.
In August I'm going to Portland for a vegan convention, which I am very excited about. Never been to Portland but I hear it's amazing, and Andy will be there. Which may be more exciting to me than the actual convention. :) My fingers are crossed, hoping he sticks around. I really want him to. Like really. Did I mention he's vegan, nice, gorgeous, tattooed and likes me?!...if I didn't know you know.

Some physical changes I've gone through in the last few weeks.....

New tatttttoooooo!!!!!

Hair is back black. Missed it.

This entry jumps around A LOT. I appologize for any confusion to anyone reading it. Thinking about Andy, moving, Broderyck, and what I should do when I "grow up" has got me all over the place.