Want to and have to are two different things...

I haven't updated my blog since July 8, lame I know. I just haven't had the time to even think about the computer. But now I have found a little bit of free time since I'm staying with my son while he is in the hospital and they have wi-fi internet here.

Well first off my son, Broderyck Rian Peterson was born at Ogden Regional Medical Center on August 16, 2010 at 5:02 pm. I was induced at 39 weeks, Dr's orders, and labor went pretty quick, epidurals are amazing, let me just tell you. If you have the choice, I say do it. It was a normal delivery and I got to take him home in the standard 2 days. He was 19.5 inches long and weighed 6 pounds 14 ounces. 

Everything was going perfect, except the fact that I switched him to soy formula thinking that his belly aches were due to a potential Lactose Intolerance, his first Dr's appointment went swimmingly, and his second appointment was scheduled for Friday September 10th. The day started great, I got a call saying that Broderyck had been approved for Medicade, then we got up got ready and drove to Ogden to his appointment. 

The nurse mentioned that he was breathing a little fast and when the Dr listened to his heart he said he could hear a little murmur, he wrote an order for me to take Broderyck to the lab to have some blood drawn, and to get him an echocardiogram at McKay Dee. Then they took his O2 Saturation and it was in the 60's, this is when the Dr called McKay Dee and told them to expect me.

This is when I really started panicking. I called my mom and told her what was going on, trying to hold back the tears. We got to McKay and the team in the NICU got him on oxygen and started doing x-rays and the echo. My mom and dad showed up at the hospital and I was trying to not cry while on the phone with the admitting department. The results of the tests  were not what I wanted to hear. His lungs were pretty full of fluid and they called Life Flight. Waiting for Life Flight to prep him seemed like forever. They let me say goodbye to him before they took him, that was the single most scary moment of my life.

My mom and I got in the car and sped towards Primary Childrens Medical Center. When we got to the hospital we met a Dr outside the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit and walked us inside. There were about 20 people inside his room and we weren't allowed to go in to see him until they got him stable. A cardiologist came out and explained what was wrong with his heart, which was almost exactly what was wrong with my heart when I was his age. The surgeon then came out and said that they were trying to decide if they were going to do the surgery that night or in the morning, a few minutes later they decided that they needed to do the surgery as soon as possible and  he came and explained to us how he was going to repair it. I had to sign 2 papers for consent to put him under anesthesia and consent to do the surgery. Then we followed them to the doors of the Operating Room.

The surgery was estimated to be a 5 to 6 hour surgery and my dad brought my younger sisters, except for my youngest to meet us in the Surgical Waiting Room. He even brought us dinner but I didn't even feel like eating. It felt like forever, it helped that they called every hour to let us know the status of the surgery. At 2 am the surgeon came in and said that everything went great he told us that we could go see him in about 30 to 45 minutes after they got him back to his room and stable.We knew my dad and sisters weren't going to want to see Broderyck like that so we sent them home before we went to his room.

Seeing my son covered in bandages, tubes, wires and hearing the machines beeping was so scary. I felt so bad that he was on so many drugs, but I am so glad he didn't seem to be in pain. His chest was still open, word was that it was going to stay open until Monday or Tuesday. They do this because sometimes organs can swell and the skin can as well and they don't want a closed chest to put pressure on those organs or have the skin try and pull back apart. 

At about 3 am my mom finally talked me into going to try and sleep, when you're child in in the Intensive Care Unit they have little rooms where they let parents sleep. They base your need by how far away you live and how sick your child is. It consists of a twin bed, a rocking chair about about 2 feet of space around the two. Saturday I spent basically the whole day in his room. I started a journal for him, so when he grows up he can read exactly what happened.

Sunday my mom and I were awoken by the surgeon knocking on the Parent sleeping room door. He said that he was going to close his chest and had me sign the consent to let him do so. I was very excited that he was getting closed up earlier than expected. 

Monday they began to wean Broderyck off the Nitric Oxcide (which helps lungs assimalate oxygen) They must wean off alot of the drugs before they can take the ventilator out, which was the next goal.  

On Tuesday 2 of the 3 chest drainage tubes came out. It was so wonderful to walk in his room and see less machines and less tubes then there previously were.

Wednesday the 15th was my mom's 40th birthday, it also was the day that they ran 2 spontaneous trials where they turned off the ventilatior but left it in place to see how Broderyck would breath on his own. When the Doctor decided that everything looked great with the echo they had done that morning and that the spontaneous trials seemed to be successful the Respitory Therapist took out the ventalator. This was the first time Broderyck had been able to cry in five days and his voice kind of sounded like Donald Duck. But it was really good to hear his voice, regardless.

Thursday the 16th is when the last chest tube and RA's got to be taken out. Those were the last things that needed to be taken out before I could hold Broderyck, for the first time in a week. That was one of the hardest things about the whole situation, was to be a new mom who had spent 24/7 with her baby and then suddenly not be able to hold her baby. They also tried a bottle also, Broderyck wasn't really use to a bottle and some of his food still had to be fed to him through a tube but after some trial and error with a couple different kinds of nipples we found one that he semi-liked.

 

 They also discontinued most of the IV's also. The emptier the room got the happier and more relaxed that I got.

On Friday Broderyck finally got his Arterial Line taken out of his right wrist and got to leave the ICU and go up to the Children's Surgical Floor. This is a more hands on floor so that my mom and I could stay in the room and pick Broderyck up whenever we wanted. He still had a feeding tube though just because he was still strugging with eating the amount they wanted him to all by mouth.

On the 18th they took out the NJ tube after we were in the CSU room so Broderyck had to try and take as much by mouth as possible. Then on Sunday the 19th we got discharged. Getting discharged on a weekend was pretty stressful. The regular crew isn't really around so some stuff took longer than it would have during the week. But it  was so exciting to finally get to go home. To stop worrying, so much and to stop living out of a suitcase in a hospital. Especially after only nine days when the doctors first estimated 14. 

Broderyck will have a lifetime of clinics just like I did but he'll be lucky that I've already been through it so he will hopefully feel a little more comfortable about doing the tests.

 Being a single mom, especially having to go through emergency situations makes you very strong. I really never thought that I would be able to handle any of this alone. A lot of people questioned me before Broderyck was here and asked if I was scared to do it alone and I always answered "no," deep down I knew I was nervous but I knew I could do it, and this whole 39 days I have proved to myself that I am more than capable of being a single mom. Especially when the father hasn't even ackowledged the fact that he has a new son. Broderyck is the cutest little boy ever and I love him more than life itself and I know that I for sure never want to waste my time with someone who is anything less than perfect, and if it takes that person a while to get here, I am perfectly fine with that. I have my little family and I am more than happy with it.