I've been doing some thinking, okay A LOT of thinking, about love and life lately. Maybe I'm just feeling philosophical because I'm going to be a mom soon but I seriously feel like I'm in a world of chaos and would like the light at the end of the tunnel to present itself...soon if possible.
"Why is it that we can care about someone so dearly but them not be the people we're meant to be with? Why is it that you can go on with your life and date other people and them as well but they are still in the back of your mind? Why is it with some relationships you don't necessarily want to be with that person, but you don't want anyone else to have them either? How can you want someone to be happy still even if it sacrafices your happiness? Why does it always feel like one tiny pebble causes more damage than you think it should? How do you honestly prevent money from effecting your relationships? What if that one thing wouldn't have happened...how would things be different now?"
These are big questions without a definite answer, questions that arise when things are tougher than usual. I'm sure I'm not the only person to feel or think these things. I personally have always been a HUGE believer in "everything happens for a reason" but sometimes it just feels like stuff just happens, without an obvious reason. Eventually the answer will come out I'm sure, hopefully sooner than later, because I would like an answer to this confusion.
And, I know, I know...."I have it so much better than some people...things could be so much worse" they could be, you're right.... but why compare your life to other people in that way? Why look down on other people’s misfortunes and say "thank god I'm not them!" That awful comparison works both ways. "Why do they get everything?" "How come I have to deal with this and they don't?" It's like a sibling relationship. I feel this way a lot because I am the oldest child, the "test", it's true that things were harder for me and they might get easier with every kid my parents raise but I can't look at it that way because how am I going to raise my kids...probably with the same method. Parenthood, well life in general, doesn't come with an instruction manual...it's all trial and error. School, jobs, relationships...some are lucky and things work out the first time around but for the majority of us we have to change majors, change careers, change partners once, twice or 7 times before we find exactly what we're meant to do, be and make our lives complete.
I've never once thought my life was perfect, but no ones ever is. Honestly. Everyone says that but c'mon, look around. We look up to sports players, celebrities; our parents...everyone has rough patches. We just need to tighten the belt and carry on. I might have all these lingering questions and worry about a lot of things that I don't need to but deep down I know I will be okay...I know that God never hands us anything in life that he knows we can't handle. All the suffering we do is aimed to make us stronger, and that's how I am trying to look at everything. Every choice leads you down a different path like one of those "choose your own ending" books, we wish we could peek and see the results before they happen...but we have to just stick it out...hold on tight.... Enjoy the ride. Who knows what tomorrow brings but accept it with a smile, only you can decide your destiny, your happiness and how your life goes. So make the most of it.
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