Epic Fail. No updates since November. Ooooooops.

Yes I am wearing a jacket that says "Jesus
Loves Me Too" with a chicken on it. :)

I'm trying to even think about what I want to write about, so much stuff has happened lately. Guess I should start with Christmas! Next Christmas will probably be better because Broderyck will understand what the hell is going on!

 Overall it was alright though, just your typical holiday with divorced parents fighting and meeting my dad's new girlfriend and her kid against my will. ALWAYS a fun time. Right?! Still haven't heard from Tony. Which is a good thing I think. I'm glad neither he or his family tried anything during the holidays. The holiday season of course ended with no New Years Kiss. Tragic. But I have recently gone back vegan and started working out on a regular basis which has made me feel loads better about myself! And may eventually be the death of me because all I do is bake. lol. So I guess they won't kill me, just make me large and in charge and I may be able to handle that. hahaha.  

I've been unemployed for about 6 months now and it's starting to get to me. I've recently applied for a few jobs, but only part time, it's just a scary thing thinking that if I work I have to leave Broderyck all day and leave him in the hands of a stranger. But it's what I have to do to be able to give him the life I want him to have. I don't want him to ever have to go without and I will not live of my mom for the rest of my life! I'm way too independent and I think that is why I need a change soon. To get out of my mom's house. I hate having rules and feeling like someone else has control of my life. When my tax return gets here I'm getting my car fixed, that's step one. Hopefully will help A LOT. Get me out of this blasted town for a few. At least go to a Starbucks or something! Get some non hick town air.

This want to spread my wings of course has sparked some fights with my mom who would like me and Broderyck to just live here forever. She thinks I want to "take him away from her" and when my mom cries it makes me want to cry. I hate being accused of doing things "just to hurt people" because I never do that. I don't believe in that. I just do things I want to do and what feels right to me.  Just because it isn't in line with what the people around me want it becomes "wrong"....i.e. tattoos, piercings, being vegan...

Which brings me to the subject of moving. Which is such a ridiculous subject at the moment. It feels like it's "yes, no, maybe, found it, lost it...." I don't do well when things aren't planned and it gives me really bad anxiety (and that plus all the other chaos may be why I've had to start taking my Prozac again...)

I keep thinking I want to move out, want to get out of my mom's house but maybe things are happening in the wrong order, again. And now my roomate wants me to lie and say that I'm making more money than I am and I don't lie. I just don't believe in it. And if it prevents us from getting the apartment I'm sure she'll be pissed but lying has never gotten anywhere anyplace good in the end. So I guess it's still considered a toss up?! But there is always the "backup plan"

By backup plan I am referring to my new found crush. There really is something about him and it's making me crazy, but in the good, cute, romantic comedy sort of way where you can't function in everyday life because all you think about it that person. I'm most certainly suffering from a case of that. Of course there is a hitch...he lives in Florida. Which if you don't know is more than 2,000 miles away from Utah. Yes, we met online, no I'm not afraid he's some kinda creep. I go with my gut feelings about stuff and they tend to tell me the truth and he gives me butterflies (which is a very good sign) I'm currently accepting any donations to put towards going to see him. hahaha.

In August I'm going to Portland for a vegan convention, which I am very excited about. Never been to Portland but I hear it's amazing, and Andy will be there. Which may be more exciting to me than the actual convention. :) My fingers are crossed, hoping he sticks around. I really want him to. Like really. Did I mention he's vegan, nice, gorgeous, tattooed and likes me?!...if I didn't know you know.

Some physical changes I've gone through in the last few weeks.....

New tatttttoooooo!!!!!

Hair is back black. Missed it.



This entry jumps around A LOT. I appologize for any confusion to anyone reading it. Thinking about Andy, moving, Broderyck, and what I should do when I "grow up" has got me all over the place.



Home Based Business!!!

So since I had Broderyck and have been doing this whole single mom thing, I haven't exactly had time to "go back" to work. I figured this would be the PERFECT time to go for my dream job, designing and making clothing at home. :) It gives me time with my son, and I can do it whenever I have the time. I started an Etsy store

 http://www.etsy.com/shop/Bonesie?ref=pr_profile

This is the first step to what I hope will be a happy and successful home based business. Please check it out, and keep your eyes open new things will be added all the time. I also may take your custom order depending on what it is, so feel free to contact me if you have a request!

Learning about PICC's....

The idea of a PICC line really scared me when they decided to put one in Broderyck's right arm for long term IV's. It also really scared me when they told me that I would be the one administering the antibiotics after we go home. But after the nurses have given me paperwork and let me practice  under their supervision. We will also be assigned a home health program to come and do dressing changes and provide the antibiotics, saline flushes and heparin flushes. It will stay in for at least 6 weeks.

Getting ready to put in the PICC

After the PICC was put in, under an awesome dinosaur wrap

 

A PICC line is, by definition and per its acronym, a peripherally inserted central catheter. It is long, slender, small, flexible tube that is inserted into a peripheral vein, typically in the upper arm, and advanced until the catheter tip terminates in a large vein in the chest near the heart to obtain intravenous access. It is similar to other central lines as it terminates into a large vessel near the heart. However, unlike other central lines, its point of entry is from the periphery of the body � the extremities. And typically the upper arm is the area of choice.

A PICC line provides the best of both worlds concerning venous access. Similar to a standard IV, it is inserted in the arm, and usually in the upper arm under the benefits of ultrasound visualization. Also, PICCs differ from peripheral IV access but similar to central lines in that a PICCs termination point is centrally located in the body allowing for treatment that could not be obtained from standard periphery IV access. In addition, PICC insertions are less invasive, have decreased complication risk associated with them, and remain for a much longer duration than other central or periphery access devices.

Using ultrasound technology to visualize a deep, large vessel in the upper arm, the PICC catheter is inserted by a specially trained and certified PICC nurse specialist. Post insertion at the bedside, a chest x-ray is obtained to confirm ideal placement. The entire procedure is done in the patient�s room decreasing discomfort, transportation, and loss of nursing care.

Prepare for the eventual let down....

On Monday the 27th I couldn't have been happier they ran antibiotics, did blood tests and told us that everything was trending in the right direction. His wound started to look a lot better and I thought we were in the clear. We went to clinic on Wednesday and that blood test showed that things were still going in the direction that we wanted them too and the wound team looked under his bandage and said that it looked really good. They said that I wouldn't need to change the bandage until we came in the following Wednesday but gave me an extra bandage, just in case. The cardiologist told us we could just do oxygen at night and that he could stop taking lasix. 

This is the point where I get my hopes up and start to think that everything is going the way it's supposed to.

Then of course on Thursday Broderyck started acting really uncomfortable again, crying and not wanting to be put down. I figured he just was still sore from surgery and didn't mind holding him almost constantly. Saturday his bandage was about 3/4 saturated and I decided to change it, then that night he started breathing heavier and running a fever. Sunday morning his second bandage was completely saturated to the point that it was falling off.

I called the hospital and they said that since it was Sunday that we'd need to come tot he Emergency Room but the Cardiothoracic Nurse Practitioner would meet us there. We switched the bandage once more and I packed a bag and we headed on our way. When we got to the hospital the Nurse Practitioner looked at his wound and knew it was bad, and the admission process started again...

for the 3rd time

They starting running antibiotics again and determined they were going to do exploritory surgery to see how deep the infection is. They switched the time a couple times today and had to run some IV fluids and do a blood transfusion before they could take him back to the OR.

They took him back around 6:30pm and it's now 10:15. They had a hard time finding veins for an IV because he's been so picked on by the lab that he's running out of good veins. Last I heard was that it was a really deep infection and that they had to take the wires out of this chest to be able to clean out his chest better. 

After this surgery he will go back to the CICU and be back on a ventilator. I really hoped that it was going to be a simple fix and I am praying that when they fix this that Broderyck will be able to go home and be a normal baby...

he is supposed to be learning to smile and roll over...not spending 1/3 of his life in the hospital.

The Nurse Practitioner just came and gave us an update. She said that it just didn't look as healthy as it should. They cleaned his chest out with antibacterial fluid and will put a wound vac on for a couple days and put a chest tube back in.

Please let this be it...
The OR nurse is supposed to call if the surgeon can't call us before 11:30.

I love waking up to good news!

Well I've been pretty upset being back in the hospital. I wish that Broderyck could be home, being a normal baby, not having to be poked and prodded all day long. With blood tests at 4 am, x-rays at 5 am and then the doctors coming to do their rounds and looking at him at 7 am. I have been really worried when they tell us that we can go home one day and then add more days. But I have been trying to not get my hopes up, so when the Doctors came in this morning and their talk sounded like we were getting to go home today I got pretty excited. It won't be until later in the day, but still. Especially since everything bad is trending down, he's eating well, his weight is going up, his wound looks a lot better.

 He's going to do his last iv antibiotic today and then they're going to be discontinued. He won't be sent home on antibiotics because there isn't an oral option, and they don't want to do a PIC line. So we'll go home for a couple days and keep changing his dressing and then come back for a check-up and make sure that everything is still trending down. 

Then he gets to switch off the awful low fat formula on October 4th and go back to his regular soy formula he was on pre-surgery. Then of course we'll have to come back again for a check up to make sure he's gaining weight the way he's supposed to and that he isn't showing any signs of Cylothorax. 

I'm really thankful for everyone who has shown their support during this whole ordeal, everyone who has prayed for us, all of the doctors and nurses at Primary Children's Hospital who have taken such good care of Broderyck and who have helped me feel as comfortable as one can while living at a hospital going through these things. But I really hope we won't be back staying for a long time, if ever.